


Alive

by Melacka



Category: The Blacklist (TV)
Genre: F/M, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, One Shot, Post-3x10, pre-Lizzington
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-03
Updated: 2018-11-03
Packaged: 2019-08-16 23:49:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,068
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16505087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Melacka/pseuds/Melacka
Summary: She still couldn’t quite believe all that had happened to her and because of her. She was free. Free to breathe this air and go where she wanted. She could finally stop hiding and go back to the person she used to be. Her breath hitched in her throat at the thought. No, she couldn’t go back. Not really.After Liz is released at the end of Episode 3x10, she is at a loss as to what to do. She seeks comfort from someone who can understand what she'd been through.





	Alive

Liz sat on the hood of Red’s black Mercedes and took a deep, contemplative breath. She still couldn’t quite believe all that had happened to her and _because_ of her. She was free. Free to breathe this air and go where she wanted. She could finally stop hiding and go back to the person she used to be. Her breath hitched in her throat at the thought. No, she couldn’t go back. Not really. She sighed and tried to banish these dismal thoughts, looking off to the side where Red stood staring up at the stars.

“Penny for your thoughts?” she murmured.

He didn’t answer for a moment, just continued to look up at the sky. Eventually he just shrugged slightly and started moving towards her.

“I was just thinking about the first time I escaped from a seemingly impossible situation. When you’ve faced certain death, there is nothing like your first night of freedom. There is _nothing_ like imminent destruction to make you appreciate all the you would miss.”

“Hmm,” Liz said thoughtfully. “How many seemingly impossible situations have you escaped from? I feel like I’ve personally seen it happen at least a dozen times.”

Red chuckled and leaned his elbows on the car next to her.

“It doesn’t matter how many times it happens, it always takes me right back to the start. I always remember how it felt to look up at the stars and realise—”

He paused and looked back up at the sky. Liz watched his face carefully, feeling almost as if she were being let in on a grand secret.

“Realise what?” she whispered.

“I’m alive,” Red replied simply.

“I’m alive,” Liz echoed breathlessly. “Oh god, I’m alive.”

And suddenly she was sobbing. Huge, gut-wrenching, body-shaking sobs and she was in danger of sliding right off the hood. Red circled the car quickly and pulled her gently into his arms. She clutched at the lapels of his coat desperately and sobbed loudly into his chest. He didn’t say anything, just made vague shushing sounds while he rubbed his hands soothingly up and down her back.

“Red,” she gasped. “I was so scared.”

“I know,” he whispered. “I was, too.”

She leaned back to squint up at him, still sniffling slightly.

“You were?”

“Of course,” he said, clearly surprised at her expression of doubt.

“You just never seem that scared,” she explained apologetically. “Nothing really phases you.”

“Lizzy, I have learned the immense value in guarding my emotions and controlling my reactions. It has saved my life and the lives of people I care about more times than I care to recall. But the thought of losing _you_ , the thought that my place in your life puts you in unacceptable danger, that _my_ enemies seek to harm _you_ —” He broke off and stepped away from her, turning his gaze back to the stars above. “The thought of losing you, Lizzy,” he continued in a subdued voice, “ _terrifies_ me.”

“Red, you can’t hold yourself solely responsible for everything bad or dangerous in my life,” Liz said reasonably. “I mean, I know you’ve got a lot of power and influence, but you can’t control _everything_. My little stint in the box surely demonstrates that.”

“That wasn’t especially helpful, Elizabeth,” he said sternly, still not looking at her.

“I’m not finished. I’m just trying to say that this is the life I chose. Willingly.” She put her hand on his shoulder and gently encouraged him to face her again. “Now, I’m not going to pretend that you haven’t had some _small_ role in my life, especially recently. You may have had some minor influence on me.” She smiled at the chuckle this coaxed from him. “But I’m a big girl now, Red. I can handle myself.”

“I know you can, Lizzy. And I’m very proud of how well you’ve handled yourself lately.”

“I had help.”

They smiled at each other for a moment in silence.

“Red?” Liz said, a wide grin spreading across her face.

“Yes?”

“I survived.”

“Yes, you most certainly did,” he said, grinning back at her happily.

“We both did.” She threw her arms out wide and spun once on the spot before yelling, “We’re alive!”

Red laughed loudly at that and watched her fondly as she swayed slightly on the spot, gazing avidly at the stars.

“We’re alive,” she whispered.

“I hate to interrupt you, Lizzy, but I feel like we need to discuss where you will stay tonight. It’s not safe for you to be out all night alone. Not just yet.”

Liz dropped her arms to her side again and looked at him, a little surprised.

“It’s still too fresh, you’re still a very recognisable figure,” he explained gently. “It’ll die down soon enough.”

“Oh,” Liz said, looking down at her feet and feeling foolish. “I guess I could find a hotel, if you don’t mind dropping me off—”

Red burst out laughing again and Liz’s head snapped up quickly so she could glare at him.

“You can go to a hotel if you want to, of course, and I will happily take you where you want to go, but I have made a few arrangements, just in case.”

“What kind of arrangements?”

“Well, you can stay with Dembe and I tonight, or you can stay in an alternative safe house that I have organised. If you would prefer to be alone, you can be safe there. I have seen to the security measures myself, you will have nothing to fear.”

“Alone?”

“If that’s what you want, yes. Or, as I say, you can stay with us. Or we can drop you off somewhere, though I would advise against a hotel, just for tonight.”

“I don’t have the money for it, anyway,” Liz admitted sheepishly.

“Well, that’s surely an insurmountable obstacle,” Red said sarcastically. “Where could we possibly find some money?”

Liz laughed and said, “I’d like to stay with you, if that’s okay.”

“Of course, Lizzy. Anything you want.”

* * * * *

When they arrived at the safe house, Red directed her to a big bathroom and told her to take as long as she needed. She set the water as hot as she could stand it and stood in the shower, barely moving, for nearly 20 minutes. Eventually, she reached for the shampoo and started to wash her hair wearily. The adrenaline high was wearing off and she was starting to feel the effects of the last few days finally catching up with her.

“I’m alive,” she whispered to herself, massaging her head vigorously. “I’m alive.”

Rinsing the last of the shampoo out of her hair, she hurried through the rest of her shower, suddenly desperate not to be alone. She turned off the water and reached for a towel, determined to find Red as soon as possible.

A few minutes later, she wandered down the hallway towelling her hair and looking curiously around her. She could smell food and hear the unmistakable sounds of Red in the middle of a story. She smiled in relief and headed towards the kitchen, knocking gently when she reached the doorway.

“Lizzy!” Red said jovially. “I was beginning to worry that I would have to come and fetch you. This food smells too good to resist any longer. Sit!”

Dembe pulled out a chair for her with a smile and she sank into it gratefully.

“Do you feel better, Elizabeth?” he asked quietly.

“Much better, thanks,” she replied. “I wanted to thank you for – well, _everything_. I don’t know what I would’ve done without you.” She reached out to take Dembe’s hand and turned to face Red. “Both of you.”

“You are welcome, Elizabeth. I am just glad to see you safe.”

Liz smiled at Dembe and ducked her head, feeling absurdly shy all of a sudden.

“Enough of this maudlin talk, Lizzy, Dembe. It’s time to eat!” Red interrupted. “I hope you’re hungry.”

“Starved,” Liz said. “What are we having?”

“Stew!” Red said with a flourish, placing a serving dish in the middle of the table. “I wasn’t sure what you would feel like and thought that something warm and comforting wouldn’t go astray.”

Liz grinned at him. “Stew is perfect, thanks. Did you make it?”

“I’m glad you asked! Yes, I did make it.”

And he was off. Red started ladling out huge portions into bowls as he talked her through the cooking process, including the first time he’d eaten the stew and who had given him the recipe. Liz was no chef and could barely make herself toast without calling in reinforcements, but she was quite content to listen to him talk for now on any topic he chose. He took so much pleasure in his food and in telling her stories, who was she to deny him this simple indulgence? She exchanged an amused glance with Dembe as Red served them both.

_I’m alive_ , she thought to herself gratefully.

* * * * *

Three hours later, Liz was staring up at the ceiling of her bedroom, exhausted but unable to sleep. She’d eaten two bowls of stew with Red seeming to monitor exactly how much she was consuming. He reminded her periodically throughout the meal to keep eating. _You’ve lost weight, Lizzy, you need to eat more,_ and so on, until she had eaten more than the other two combined _._ At least it felt that way, and she was freshly grateful for the loose, comfortable clothes Red had provided.

Liz had barely been able to keep her eyes open at the dinner table but now she couldn’t seem to relax enough to sleep. She knew that Red was still awake and was trying to decide whether she should go and speak to him, when she heard quiet footsteps outside the closed door. She watched as the door eased open a crack and smirked at Red’s attempt to be stealthy.

“Red?”

“Lizzy, I just wanted to see if you were asleep.”

She sat up in bed and sighed. “I can’t sleep.”

“Perfectly natural,” he said reassuringly. “It will take some time to return to your normal patterns.”

“I was just wondering if maybe – that is, I thought, if you don’t mind—”

“What is it? What do you need?” he said, taking a further step into the room.

“Would you stay with me?” she said nervously.

“Of course, Lizzy. Anything you want.”

He said it as calmly as he had earlier when he was just offering her a place to stay, and she wondered at his composure. He glanced around the room and made his way over to the armchair in front of the window. He took his suit jacket off as he walked and then sat down to remove his shoes.

“Good night, Lizzy,” he said, settling back against the chair and crossing his legs at the ankle.

“What are you doing?” she said incredulously.

“Staying with you?”

“I didn’t mean over there, Red.”

“You want—” he began uncomfortably.

“Red, don’t be ridiculous. We’ve shared a bed before without it being a problem.”

“That was different.”

“Please, Red, come here,” she said plaintively. “I need your help.”

He sighed and stood up.

“And don’t pretend that you want to sleep wearing that,” she insisted. “I know you don’t sleep in your shirt and suit pants.”

“Lizzy, are you sure you want—”

“I don’t want to be alone, Red. Please.”

“You don’t have to be alone,” he assured her.

“Good,” she said decisively, moving aside to make room for him and throwing the blanket back. “Now lose the pants.”

Finally convinced, he started removing his clothing and Liz averted her eyes in an attempt to respect his privacy.

“So shy all of a sudden, Lizzy?” he said teasingly as he slipped into bed beside her. “You demand I remove my clothes and then you can’t even look at me?”

She snorted a laugh and started moving around looking for a comfortable position.

“Red?”

“Yes, Lizzy?”

“Do you mind if I—” She stopped talking and just moved closer to him, throwing an arm cautiously over his waist and tucking herself into his side. “Is this okay?”

“Yes,” he murmured, his voice sounding a little strained.

“How about this?” she said as she rested her head on his chest.

“Yes,” he croaked.

“Red?”

“Yes, Lizzy?”

“I’m alive.”

“Yes, Lizzy,” he sighed, squeezing her closer into him and dropping a kiss on the top of her head. “You’re alive.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to anyone who takes the time to read/leave kudos/comment. It really does make me so happy to see!


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